a dilemma....
ok. this is the first of two posts.
there is now a lot less point to this than there was recently but still dont know what to do.
have sat on some of what im going to say for a while now and some is very recent.
lets have some background first.
me and guys. okay well... i dont think they mix. there are very few people that i have liked over time in fact there are four... (lets not beat around the bush) the first showed possible potential and led me a merry dance before retracting everything that had been said and giving a bit of a revelation, which directly led to me and scott happening.
refusing to listen to anyone elses point of view with that it all ended very horribly and that was it for two years pretty much. The second person was not interested at all. made obvious by the shit that was stirred about me i later found out about. the third(at the start of this year) i was very hesitant about which led to him deciding that he wanted to be 'good friends'.the fourth... we'll discuss in a little while. all of these situations were messes. those who have known me for a while know exactly how set i was against the possibility of me ever getting married, and you may also know that i did a u-turn on that perspective and i really dont understand why, or how that happened,but the thing i have to live with is that i did. the next thing to mention is that ive never been 'on a date' and i cant cope with the idea of randomly pulling someone i didnt know. which means that every person i have fallen for ivegotten to know, which can have its own problems, but thats my own thing and it might possibly have a chance of succeeding if i didnt have such a low meeting people rate.
anyhow. i think that is all of the background.
so person A likes person B. Person A and person B are friends(or at least arent complete strangers) person A is pretty sure that person B has shown no interest whatsoever, and probably wont, but still really likes them. thats okay. then added into the equation is person C. Person C may like person A and person A doesnt know person C very well yet.
The question is, or what it boils down to is what does person A do?
long winded way of explaining it i know... but hey.
the thing totake into consideration with all of this is that while a lot of my opinions have changed, i would rather have person B (yeah im person A in case you didnt know) as a friend and never say anything than put an obstacle in the way of that. basically... im not a risk taker.
it has been suggested to me, by more than one person that i should just talk to person B. it has also been said to me that even if person B isnt interested if that then becomes an issue then the friendship isnt necessarily the best thing to have(or words to that effect... it was better phrased before) thats all well and good, but ill never do that. id also like to point out that im not acquainted with person B because i like them, but because we're acquainted. i may be going around in circles here,but im just really disillusioned with the whole thing. in some ways id much rather just not be interested at all. ive mentioned becoming a nun before, and people may think im joking, but actually im not.... ack. the other thing is actually.... id rather never know than know that it isnt. which may sound cowardly, but...
its all stupid and plaguing me way more than i would like.
it diesnt help that things are moving forwards with abbies wedding, and im having to get more involved and active with it.
thinking about that makes me think about my own and at the moment i can actually see the possibility of it happening. but the person i could see it happening with...isnt a possibility.
ack . the whole thing is just torture and i dotn see why we should be strung through it.
its not like i ask for much. a nice caring guy who will be faithful.
im shutting up nowcause im just starting to get mad with it.
there is now a lot less point to this than there was recently but still dont know what to do.
have sat on some of what im going to say for a while now and some is very recent.
lets have some background first.
me and guys. okay well... i dont think they mix. there are very few people that i have liked over time in fact there are four... (lets not beat around the bush) the first showed possible potential and led me a merry dance before retracting everything that had been said and giving a bit of a revelation, which directly led to me and scott happening.
refusing to listen to anyone elses point of view with that it all ended very horribly and that was it for two years pretty much. The second person was not interested at all. made obvious by the shit that was stirred about me i later found out about. the third(at the start of this year) i was very hesitant about which led to him deciding that he wanted to be 'good friends'.the fourth... we'll discuss in a little while. all of these situations were messes. those who have known me for a while know exactly how set i was against the possibility of me ever getting married, and you may also know that i did a u-turn on that perspective and i really dont understand why, or how that happened,but the thing i have to live with is that i did. the next thing to mention is that ive never been 'on a date' and i cant cope with the idea of randomly pulling someone i didnt know. which means that every person i have fallen for ivegotten to know, which can have its own problems, but thats my own thing and it might possibly have a chance of succeeding if i didnt have such a low meeting people rate.
anyhow. i think that is all of the background.
so person A likes person B. Person A and person B are friends(or at least arent complete strangers) person A is pretty sure that person B has shown no interest whatsoever, and probably wont, but still really likes them. thats okay. then added into the equation is person C. Person C may like person A and person A doesnt know person C very well yet.
The question is, or what it boils down to is what does person A do?
long winded way of explaining it i know... but hey.
the thing totake into consideration with all of this is that while a lot of my opinions have changed, i would rather have person B (yeah im person A in case you didnt know) as a friend and never say anything than put an obstacle in the way of that. basically... im not a risk taker.
it has been suggested to me, by more than one person that i should just talk to person B. it has also been said to me that even if person B isnt interested if that then becomes an issue then the friendship isnt necessarily the best thing to have(or words to that effect... it was better phrased before) thats all well and good, but ill never do that. id also like to point out that im not acquainted with person B because i like them, but because we're acquainted. i may be going around in circles here,but im just really disillusioned with the whole thing. in some ways id much rather just not be interested at all. ive mentioned becoming a nun before, and people may think im joking, but actually im not.... ack. the other thing is actually.... id rather never know than know that it isnt. which may sound cowardly, but...
its all stupid and plaguing me way more than i would like.
it diesnt help that things are moving forwards with abbies wedding, and im having to get more involved and active with it.
thinking about that makes me think about my own and at the moment i can actually see the possibility of it happening. but the person i could see it happening with...isnt a possibility.
ack . the whole thing is just torture and i dotn see why we should be strung through it.
its not like i ask for much. a nice caring guy who will be faithful.
im shutting up nowcause im just starting to get mad with it.
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